Farmers set up Bee brothels in hopes of reviving pollinator populations

Decimated bee populations in the prairies have led one Albertan farm co-operative to launch a daring new initiative to try and rejuvenate the pollinators numbers. The Albertan Farming Co-operative Council (AlFarCoCo for short), has signed a contract with 2 Guys in the Backwoods to open a series of “bee brothels” across the province. The concept, involving 3D printed hives with flashing red and blue neon signs, is expected to boost bee pregnancies by over 50%, as foraging bees grab a quickie or two while on the hunt, and then return to their bee wives all hot and heavy. “Male bees are already really romantic”, explained AlFarCoCo spokesperson Buzz Lightyear. “They’re out among flowers all day, so naturally they bring some flowers home to the missus every day when they return to the hive. It’s just that, after hours of flying pretty damn everywhere, the male bee is just so often too damn tired to do his manly duties. Or neither of them can seem to get into the mood with 1,000’s of screaming bee babies deafening the hexagons around them.”

The co-operative says that, if the initial idea doesn’t work as well as planned, that stage 2 will involve spraying aphrodisiac bee dust over existing flower crops, along with poking tiny pinholes in all the Trojan inventory currently held in bee drugstores.