The famous piece of space technology known as the Canada Arm has been upgraded with new software and hardware that designers say will take its capabilities well into the 21st century. Speaking at a recent press conference held by the Canada Space Agency, project leader Garth Wader said the boom will be able to “properly take care of even more astronauts’ needs in future long term missions”, including to Mars, Saturn and the funny looking asteroid named CV412-D.
The upgrade, coming in at a cost of $14 million, adds a hand with fingers to the end of the arm, capable of handling whatever shaking, wiggling, and insertion commands sent to it by NASA’s command center in Houston. “We can also bypass Houston in an emergency”, said Wader, “using bluetooth technology combined with a friggin gigantic cell tower on the moon.” Initial tests of the upgrade were originally stopped because of unexplained vibrations in one of the finger joints, but resumed again once technicians realized the feature was hard baked into the blueprints.
Since testing began in March of 2023, the upgraded Canada Arm has received over 300 marriage proposals. Astronaut Chris Hansen has also reportedly ordered a 1/3 size replica for use in his new hot tub.
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