MyPillow rocked by claims of midnight Satinic Rituals

As if fending off a $5 million lawsuit wasn’t enough, MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell has come out fighting against new allegations of midnight shenanigans at his main manufacturing hub, posted by a former disgruntled HR Manager of his organization. According to recently fired employee Howie Duet (Toronto-born), the famous TV slumber factory held secret meetings where they dressed themselves in satin PJ’s and held deathmatch pillow fights. “I almost lost an arm in the last one I was in”, claimed Duet, who said “I was VERY gruntled before I got canned. Now I’m bitterly disgruntled, just shitty treatment they gave me. If only I had known the fake surveillance cameras were malfunctioning and actually recording video!”

According to sources, the satin nightwear had been smuggled in over a number of months from Cuba, disguised as cigars, and also a few smoking jackets. The same sources also confirmed that the “deathmatches” actually never produced any permanent fatalities. “We always had a defibrillator charged up and ready to go after each match, and they worked pretty frigging good! Only one time it screwed up – thank God we had Flex tape applied to nipple hair as a backup.”